Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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