I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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