one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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