I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
