Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
