I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
