? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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