Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
