Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
