I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
