woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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