youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
