Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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