Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
