Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
