Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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