I wish i was in the wii world.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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