that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
