remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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