living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
