Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
