We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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