ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
