i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I forget how to act sober
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
