The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
