roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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