Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
