If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
