With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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