Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
