my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
