whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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