I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
