I think i peed on brittanys purse
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
