if only i could text you this smell
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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