I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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