that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
