we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
