That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
