if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
