Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I enjoy the company of your penis
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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