WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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