Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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