This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
