chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
