I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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