Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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