im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
did i walk over a car last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
