names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
