I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
