dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Every concussion has its silver lining
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
